Okay, what I mean is that I’ve been away for a while. Looking at a new project or two and being away from most of the technologies into which life gets submerged.

I welcome me back and that includes you, the readers. I hope you had a nice break as well. Yes, that matters.

Rich

If we take more than a perfunctory look, we’ll notice that we humans almost never seek advice. Sure, we ask for advice, but we mostly seek the agreement we hope is in there somewhere for our already-formed opinions. Or is it only me who does that?

I have been asked on more than a few occasions whether I have or ever had a life coach. Well, ‘yes’ and ‘yes’. “How come?”, you ask? My flippant response could be ‘why not?’ However…..

I have heard it said that a manager can be a reasonably good manager by ‘flying by the seat of his pants’….however, to be an extra-ordinary manager might require something else, possibly a good coach. Both types of style probably have all the information needed, so advice is not the missing ingredient.

Let’s say I am trying to manage my life. how is it going, or how has it been going up ’til now?
If I were to put my life under a microscope, I would have to report that the most exhausting parts of it were the times when I was being insincere. ‘Not living my life like it was intended for me to live.’ That’s what I mean. I am talking about the status quo here. How about you? Can you relate?

We can become so embedded in the ‘same old’ status quo that we short-change ourselves. That would be okay if we could see clearly that this was happening. Since it often escapes my own attention, and I forget that it was me that arranged for my life to be shaped this way, it is a good idea for me to use a coach. A different perspective matters a lot if it is an informed one, and I really do want my life to matter. Don’t you?

Emerson said about our lives, “Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.”
“Hey, Coach!”

Rich

I’m not talking about dragging things out forever or trying to be a victim of sorts, or even trying to dominate the circumstances.  But my own experience of being around people telling another they were sorry, seemed somehow to be a bit shallow and incomplete, no matter how much sincerity was put into the specific expression of being sorry.

How many times have we parents insisted that our children apologize to others for incidents that we apparently were more averse to than they were? It’s okay to teach the youngsters what society has considered are appropriate boundaries of language and social interaction, and taking the steps to set things right when those boundaries are overstepped. But saying “I’m sorry.” Does that make everything okay again? We would like to think so, and we are missing something that matters.

The thing is, saying ‘sorry’ is often more about us looking proper for others, the spectators, than about the intended purpose of the whole exercise. I remember a time when someone stomped on me and was told to apologize. He actually told those others that he was sorry for his action, and suggested that the case was now closed. Huh? It was suggested to me that this was all that should be required. So, what was missing for me, (and him) that would have made a huge difference in our friendship? And the same goes for all the public apologies happening everywhere……

‘I am sorry’ is all about the deed doer, and it may take some kind of courage.  To include ‘the one offended’, though the offense may be minor, what is truly missing is ‘asking him or her for forgiveness’ and also ‘asking what can be done to clean up any mess that the deed may have caused.’ And then willingly listening for the answer.

No, it isn’t about asking forgiveness of some deity. They weren’t involved.

It isn’t about saying ‘sorry’ to the whole community in general, as you disappear over the next hill.

Asking for forgiveness is where real communication, and being part of community all begins. Why? Because the answer to the ‘asking’ might sometimes be ‘No.’ Then what?  What matters most is what happens next.

Rich

In my life, attempts at stirring up guilt is done to me in a subtle fashion, if I listen closely to TV, my community, religion, friends, and many books. On the surface, it is supposed to appear like advice. Often it is innuendo and includes everyone with the same broad brush stroke. And it is almost always about something that may or may not have happened somewhere in the past, something already fading from memory.

What is that guilt and conscience stuff my friends are asking me if I have a handle on? My first reaction is to hint that it has all been made up, we don’t know who made it up, and it has such power over us simply because we have no access to it as truth. But that’s the simpler perspective.

Why do our consciences bother us so much anyway? When I look at it, ‘conscience’ has little to do with me personally. So many other folks fill my head (sometimes successfully) with advice about how I am supposed to live my life, and for some strange reason I have thoughts that they may know better than I.
That makes for a mess of stress if I let it get away from me, and unfortunately, it often does. At times there is pain, and I am noticing that the pain depends on how much I have let the power of their advice suppress my own life.

In the middle of all of this, I am then told that everything is someone’s ‘will’ and we should let ‘thy will be done.’ Good grief! I can just hear the creator say to herself, “My will? Are you kidding? Take another look around you and ask yourself if you think all that is my will! Nope, it’s your will, buddy!”

Hmm. Anyway, since I have now gotten someone’s attention ‘up there’ today,  maybe I should get a few other things straightened out.  So I need to ‘ask whoever is out there’ and listen for answers. I have my notepad in hand so as not to miss the good stuff.

“What about life lessons?” I seem to hear myself asking. That’s always a good one so I am expecting some great advice.

“Yeah, there are lessons that can be learned if you want to look at things that way, but that’s your own idea. And I have no advice! The thing is, I am NOT laying ‘a life of testing’ on you. Go change your life if you don’t like it. Or mine the gold from the one you are born into.”

Well, okay but everyone says there are lessons……

Maybe I could slip in a question that has been flooding the networks these days……’why do relationships falter so badly? Surely there must be lessons there?’

“Relationships falter because you make them mean so much! You call them divinely joined events and not to be ‘put asunder.’ Say what? You pick a mate because of a body shape, or a sense of humor and suggest this is divine selection? You then suggest I joined them together ‘til death’? Are you kidding me? Heck, I am more compassionate than that, and I see ‘asunder’ written all over your way of choosing! Stop laying this stuff on me. Can’t you see I’m busy answering the prayers of professional athletes? Besides, I’ve just been requested to stop an oil leak! And I’m just a bit miffed because I heard someone suggest that all this was ‘my will, or my plan.’ ”

You know, I was gonna ask for a bit of guidance for a bigger writing project of mine, but I can see where all this ‘asking’ is going, so maybe I’ll just start writing on my own. Perhaps what matters most is what comes from my pen and not from someone’s that I ask to write for me.

Rich